Trying to get rid of it!

I'm frustrated. I couldn't sleep last night. I can't even close my eyes. I was rolling on my bed for few hours,but still,my mind is still that fresh. I'm depreesed. I just can't stop myself for thinking those nonsense. It doesn't make sense at all! So,why I still wasting my time to think bout it? I wonder how many brain cells could been kill by doing this. I was nearly get myself a heart-attack. I feel like I'm so... idiot? FML. Everything is still so fresh in my mind. I really hope that my brain is like a DVD player; then I can just press a 'stop' button for the thing I don't wanna happen; I can press a 'play' button for those happy moments; Press a 'review' button for those old happy memories and a 'forward' button for the moment of solitude.. I just couldn't stop myself for not tend to a negatively thinking. Somebody tell me - Why? Why I just can't do this? Such a BIG failure. I'm desperated. I wish I could fight back frantically. But I can't I can't I can't !!! I just simply CAN NOT ! I was just being like a demented creature. Keep enjoying myself in those imagination of mine. As everyone knows,imagine is really greatful sometimes,it might give you motivate to fulfill your dream. I guess so? But,your imagination could kills you in the meanwhile too! Bloody hell. I can't control every cells of mine eventhough I've try so hard. Why... I might be collapse. I seriously need someone to talk to. But the point is,despite I could really found a 'someone' who is willing to listen to me, I... I don't know how could I express myself as well. How pathetic is this. Yes, I believe. I choose to believe. But what you've shown me? I just... Sorry. I'm poor in expression especially my thoughts. What if there's someone who can read me completely and prefectly? Well. I know there must be no-one. Cause I'm Me and I'm the only Me. So,I should be the only one who can understand myself well, really well that type. But in fact, I wasn't and I never. Who the hell I am!? Huh??? I think I might slightly have.. psychological problems? Or mental problem? Idk.. I feel like chop off my hands and cut off my head. Urgh! Feel like dying.. Why? Somebody tell me Why? I don't deserve this! I wanna cry. But I don't want. I, Me, Dion Lee, isn't that weak. I don't want to be a LOSER! Thank GOD. I think A LOT! Time for now : 7.40am As you know, insomnia is such a fcking asshole. Fyi. p/s Thanks to blogger too. Feeling much better now. Ahh~ relieve!! *wink*